Reality vs Expectations - As a Parent fails

For the past few months I have been trying to not only work on new books but also take care of my aging parents while keeping my household functioning. This has been a struggle as we all know there are not enough hours in a day. This normally is something that gets me excited though, challenges to my own potential limitations.

I worked in nursing homes, assisted living, and hospitals between my bouts in Juvenile Court adjudicated treatment facilities. I thought I would be ready when my own parents reached the age they might need extra help. However, despite these past jobs, consoling and acting as a sounding board for families, I wasn't. Over the past few months I have supported and worked to be the rock that my parents could depend on. My husband has attempted to be my rock. The reality of watching a family member, especially a parent, fall off a cliff from healthy, functional adult to laying in a hospital bed unable to communicate is more devastating than one can prepare for.

It felt like everything started when my mother broke her hip in November of 2024. When she first came home everything was great. She was up and walking. She appeared to be back in control and ready to take on the world. Then came the call, "I can't understand how I was paying bills." It was strange but I was up to the task so agreed to make certain their data was entered into the computer and write the checks (my parents still sign them) as they handed me the bills. My mother's handwriting was suddenly so small even I struggled to read it. My father had been struggling with cognition and dementia for years. He had also been monitoring prostate cancer. Suddenly my mother wasn't able to walk. A trip to the bathroom could take 45 minutes one way. Suddenly she couldn't get out of her lift chair. We were confused at this abrupt backslide, she was less mobile than before the broken hip. We were forced to move her into a long term care facility so she would be able to get physical therapy and have doctors monitor her. That was the first domino. It was supposed to be just for a few weeks which have turned into months.

Domino number two, my father's "hemorrhoids" weren't hemorrhoids," they were cancer. Not the same cancer as his existing prostate. While going through scans and tests to best decide on a course of treatment Domino 3 fell, he also has hematological cancer with bone growths. We had one last radiation treatment left when he suddenly couldn't keep his balance. I took him to the ER due to being quite certain he had hit his head at least twice. That was two weeks ago. He is now on hospice. He can't respond when spoken to. I am just waiting for the call that he has passed.

I thought I was prepared. I mean, everyone dies. There is no avoiding death. But to watch my father, who I was driving to appointments, having conversations about the new farm bill/politics, who was taking care of himself unable to even answer a question is more devastating that I thought it would be.

No matter how mentally prepared you think you may be, you aren't prepared enough nor emotionally.